


i tried carrying the weight of the world

by CycloneRachel



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Emotional Baggage, Friendship, Gen, Injury Recovery, Post-Season/Series 05 Finale, Season/Series 05 Spoilers, Short One Shot, Supergirl (TV 2015) Season 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:36:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24991651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CycloneRachel/pseuds/CycloneRachel
Summary: after Brainy wakes up, he and Kara have a talk.
Relationships: Kara Danvers & Querl Dox
Comments: 12
Kudos: 14





	i tried carrying the weight of the world

**Author's Note:**

> oh boy. not sure how to tag this one?  
> but I wrote it over a few days, because I wasn't sure where to take it. I'm reasonably fine with this end result, though, so I hope it's good. And not too mean/harsh, to the characters involved.  
> also this is kind of a follow-up to the fic where Kara's in Brainy's mind-palace? but I'd say it also stands on its own. and there are quite a few options re: how to heal Brainy, including the healing tanks in the Legion ship (explored in the wonderfully written fic Stay With Me by the author Namesake, so if you're interested in that, look that fic/that author up) and the nanites from 4x04, but right now I like the idea of Brainy being put in a modified version of the Daft Punk suit from that same episode. So I decided to do something with that!  
> (and that option was also explored in a prompted fic by the wonderful and amazing Winterskywrites (on Tumblr)/Wintersky101 (on AO3). so check that out too)

_It is a fitting punishment,_ Querl thinks as he sits on the edge of his bed in the medbay. _I have been... not exactly toxic, in the figurative sense. But given my behavior towards my friends in the past few months, I would not blame one of them if they referred to me with such a term._

_And now, in the literal sense..._

He shook his head; he didn't need to remind himself of that. But then again, it was hard to forget, looking down at the new suit he wore.

In some ways, it wasn't very different from the one he wore while uninhibited. His black boots were still present, and the majority of the suit was still purple, the Brainiac symbol on his chest and silver on his collar, shoulders, and sides with black trimming the edges of each. He still had a belt around his waist.

But all the same, it felt different. It was heavier, more solid, like an exoskeleton. He now wore gloves, like Kara's friend Kate Kane did, and much like Kara's own suit that had kept her safe from Kryptonite on several occasions, his suit now included a helmet that he knew he had to bear for what could very well be the rest of his life.

(At the very least, he still had a life to live out the rest of.)

He had assumed he was dead- it was uncomplicated, the easy end of his journey. In comparison to having to face his friends, answering for what he had done to them and how he had treated them, dying was... not exactly better. But in death, he had the Coluan collective, and his other selves, who'd seen what he had done and already understood it.

The direct Brainiac line would end with him. No more Brainiacs 5 would exist, in the universe... aside from the one in the bottle.

Querl wondered about him, sometimes, even before he had sacrificed himself. What had he felt, when he gave up his world? What was he thinking, when he bottled it, when he ended up on Earth-Prime?

It wasn't like he could ask, anymore. But as he'd said before, he knew the darkness he had seen in the other Querl's eyes, and though their histories had diverged, he could still guess the answers to his questions.

However, he hadn't reached the Collective yet- instead he was in his mind-palace, and Kara and Streaky were there to help him wake up.

It was fair, even if he hadn't believed he deserved it, and though at first he was hesitant... he knew he couldn't leave his world behind forever. He owed them an explanation now, and even if his healing process took a long time, he was prepared to go through it.

(Just as he had years ago, after his mother had attempted to kill him too.)

This time, however, he woke up feeling as though he was in a bottle- trapped under glass that confined his face, the rest of his body similarly encased. He still felt the sting of the radiation, and could hear a low buzzing sound all around him.

And Kara was there, just like she had been inside of his mind.

“Querl.”

Her voice was gentle, and soft- and he wanted to find it comforting. But everything he’d left behind when he’d died came back to him in an instant, and it couldn’t be ignored.

“Where is Lex?” he asked, staring at her. “He took the bottle- he has Leviathan- I have to stop him. He’s going to kill you- kill us all- nobody is safe.”

Kara looked back at him for a long time, before taking his hand. She didn’t appear to be hurt by such an action, which he was at least thankful for, and smiled at him again- a look of understanding.

“It’s okay.” She said. “Lex is being dealt with.”

“But it was my responsibility to take him down.” He insisted, sitting up, turning away from her as he looked down at the floor. “I was supposed to have foreseen all that he did. I should have expected that he would take the bottle from me when I was dying, and should have had a plan to deal with that. I should have stolen his anti-radiation pin before he knew what was going on. I am a twelfth-level intellect, as I keep telling myself… but in truth, I am no better than I was when I was inhibited.”

“Brainy, that’s not true.” Kara answered, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. “You did the best you could. You protected us- saved us from Leviathan, kept Lex in check all this time, and that was enough. You’re a true hero, and I can’t thank you enough.”

“Is that the truth?” he asked her. “Then what happened to “you’re loved, and the people who love you will always fight for you”? Why is it that, after I specifically told you I was to be your eyes and ears around Lex, that you did not trust me when I was attempting to speak with Rama Khan? Why have you never once asked me how I am feeling, since I first arrived in this century? Why- even though you did say you would- have we not even watched one single Star Wars film together? You and everyone else say that you care about me. That you are my family. But… at this moment, it does not feel like I have any family here. I feel like… like a stray.”

Brainy sighed, still not looking at Kara.

“I… I apologize. You probably still hate me, for what I have done. And for what I just said.”

_But I could never hate you, despite what I said._

“Brainy, stand up.” She said, as she got up from beside his bed too.

“What?”

“Please.”

He did, and Kara hesitated for a moment, before throwing her arms around him, hugging him close.

“I should’ve been better.” She said. “I didn’t want anyone feeling like that… I certainly didn’t want to, and I didn’t want that for Mon-El either. But you hid everything so well, and you’re so smart and self-sufficient… I thought you were dealing with it yourself. That you didn’t need me.”

_And now… I owe you my life. We all do._

“Of course I did. I was just unwilling to ask. I believed you would see me as lesser, if I did.”

“Well, I wouldn’t have. And I don’t. And I’m sorry, too. For everything.”

Querl relaxed, and hugged her as well.

“You don’t have to forgive me.” Kara said, softly. “But I promise to be better.”

“I know you had good intentions.” Querl answered. “And there have been moments where we have been there for each other- but they were few and far between. However, I hope that- if you accept me back into the Super-friends- we can start to rebuild something like a friendship, and share more of said moments.”

Kara pulled away from him, and gently kissed the top of his helmet.

“You never officially left.” She said.

“Was I… kicked out?”

“You were not. Do you… want to start now?”

He took her hand, and smiled at her.

“I do.”


End file.
